I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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