too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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