i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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