I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love you. Go after that dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
