is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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