fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
