Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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