he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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