I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
