The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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