What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
sarcasm needs its own font
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
