JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't put those talents on a resume
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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