addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
