im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
