I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
