You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
