It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
