is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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