I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
