Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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