He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
