Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
