Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
