Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
