i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
