STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
