Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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