There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
