How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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