Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
