Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
