I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
