Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
