I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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