im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
