His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
