OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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