My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
