Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i came on her dog
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
