Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
