I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
