Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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