I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
