you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
