Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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