i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
