This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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