I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
