I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
