How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
