I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
